Dear Douchebag Airlines,
Can I call you douchebag? I mean that's what I call my friends... well, my friends who suck ballz at least (please note I used the "z" instead of "s" for added emphasis and extreme mountain dew type effect, I think it's working well so far). My friends and colleagues have all recently flown Delta to and from various destinations, and let me tell you we all think you guys are awesome. Hmmm... I'm sorry, I grew up in Europe so sometimes my English isn't very good.... by "awesome" I mean "the worst airline in the world, and I'm including Aeorflot and Valujet (yes I know they crashed in Florida and had to re-name themselves)." So let's recap our recent trips on Delta... oh, remember when your slogan used to be "Delta, we love to fly and it shows"? Whatever happened to that? Did you guys have to change it because it was false advertising and you started getting sued by lawyers (my roommate is a lawyer, and he's also jewish, and he makes lots of money... I thought you might want to know this, I mean, I think it's important... what? you didn't want to know that? are you being anti-semitic? oh Delta, that's so you! While we're on the topic of my roommate, we
really really hate the show "Mind of Mencia".... I haven't flown Delta in a while, as you keep cancelling or re-scheduling my flights, so I don't know what tv programs you show on your flights, but your airline seems like the type of airline that would show "Mind of Mencia").
Sorry, I digest... (I just finished lunch). Last time I tried to fly on Delta you guys cancelled my flight just before I left for the airport and booked me on a flight the next day, and on a flight which would've also taken 5 more hours, weather was cited as the problem. While I understand you don't control the weather, I do find it amusing when your customer service people say the problem was due to weather in Boston (I looked outside and saw a beautiful sunny day with temperatures in the 80s), then you said it was due to weather in NYC and Chicago, both places where I knew people who had already also confirmed beautiful weather. I ended up taking a flight on another airline (Southwest... they're really nice, and I got to go to Manchester, NH... seems like a nice place... maybe I'll buy a house up there) and managed to get much earlier than with Delta (thanks!). It was also fun talking to your call center regarding refunding my ticket (which I had been assured I could do). After being on hold numerous times for hours, I was told I couldn't get my ticket refunded and actually there was no ticket refund/re-issue department. I must have persuaded Delta to create that department because eventually I was transferred over to that dept. and got a refund. I have some miles I can use on a delta flight, but I'm not sure I even want to use them. I might donate them to help our soldiers in Iraq... see, I support our troops.... do you think you'd at least try to get some of our troops home on time? I'm not sure they'd appreciate having most of their leave spent waiting to get on a plane.
My sexy girlfriend also made the mistake of using Delta when she visited me. Just so you know, we're currently in a long distance relationship. Yeah, I know it's kind of hard and annoying, but I really love her, so we're trying to make the best of it. Thanks for asking though Delta.... maybe you guys aren't so bad after all? Anyway, she attempted to fly back to Chicago via NYC, but her flight was delayed (due to weather.... maybe you guys actually do control the weather?). She missed her connecting flight in NYC, so she was forced to stay overnight near LaGuardia (I hear it's lovely there) at a crappy hotel for quite a bit of dosh. Needless to say she wasn't very pleased with this.... (I would say she whined to me about this, but then she'll get mad and probably dump me... and then I'd blame you Delta, and really, I don't think you need to be blamed for even more stuff, you're already in enough trouble as it is). She finally got to Chicago the next day, but was forced to take another half day off of work.... I don't know exactly what she does for work, but she seems very important (she struts and smokes at the same time.... very important looking). I work in non-profit and am not an economist, but I'm pretty sure you made her lose at least $45!
One of her co-workers (they're also friends... they hang out sometimes.... yes I'm fine with them hanging out... jesus Delta, sometimes I think you're just trying to create problems... don't try and deflect attention away from you! seriously though... should I be worried? let's talk about this later) flies a lot from NYC to Chicago and he simply refuses to take Delta. As a result of their experiences thier company doesn't fly Delta (I don't know their thoughts on Mind of Mencia).
Finally, my brother and his girlfriend were supposed to fly back yesterday from Miami (via Atlanta), they were coming from Peru... it sounded like they had a really good time. Once again the evil weather played a part in their flight being delayed and as a result they were going to miss their connecting flight. They opted to stay in Miami. The next day (that's today even) they got to Atlanta, but were then informed that they would only be allowed to fly to Boston the next day.... it looks like they've managed to get on a flight to Allentown, PA and should eventually get here tonight (on Delta even).... so maybe you guys are trying to redeem yourselves? Irregardless, I still think you guys need to take ownership (that's business speak) of the on-going problems and resolve it.
I appreciate your time.... keep in real 2007!
Report on different sides of the river. This is only made worse by the different time zones. Hopefully you have recovered from the jet lag. Now gchat will be even more awesome....perhaps same room Colbert Report gchat could happen... although I fear Time Cop "2 people can't occupy the same space" rules might apply.
